


The Bloody Mary Incident

by Lolo (TheLittleLo)



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Hand Job, M/M, POV Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, Returning to Malta (The Old Guard), Semi-Public Sex, listen this start as a wholesome joke and then it got away from me!, lol, sweatshirt backstory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:47:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26683162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleLo/pseuds/Lolo
Summary: This particular trip had been a long time coming. Two years deep undercover infiltrating a drug ring had made it hard for Joe and Nicky to find time to be alone- just as them, not as the identities they had assumed. It hadn’t felt safe to even kiss most of the time they were together, let alone do anything else.-OR-The backstory of a particularly ill-fitting sweatshirt.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 46
Kudos: 432





	The Bloody Mary Incident

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is [scimitar-and-longsword,](https://scimitar-and-longsword.tumblr.com/) if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3
> 
> Beta read by [Isa](https://yogurtfordinner.tumblr.com/)

Malta held a lot of memories for Joe and Nicky. A few were sad, but most of them were happy though, and they returned whenever they could to make new ones.

This particular trip had been a long time coming. Two years deep undercover infiltrating a drug ring had made it hard for Joe and Nicky to find time to be alone- just as them, not as the identities they had assumed. It hadn’t felt safe to even kiss most of the time they were together, let alone do anything else.

So when the job had ended and they were all safe again it only took one night of sleeping in a tiny safe house packed in tightly with Andy, Quynh, Nile and Booker for Nicky to give Joe a look that could only mean one thing.

“I think Nicky and I need to go,” Joe said over breakfast.

“Us too,” Quynh said too loudly before Joe could lay out any of his prepared speech.

Just like that, Nicky and Joe were on a plane to Malta by the end of the day. Quynh and Andy were off to Hanoi, and Nile convinced Booker to go with her to Saint Petersburg.

Nicky felt as if there was a thin layer of electricity covering his skin, and every time Joe touched him the sparks he felt threatened to overtake him. This was the longest they had gone without sex in decades. Nicky honestly wasn’t sure if they had ever gone this amount of time. It hadn’t even been this long during the Second World War when they had been separated for 18 months.

Somehow the fact that they had seen each other quite often during the last two years made it so much worse. Staring at Joe from across meeting rooms and parties without being able to touch him, and often not even speak to him, had been torture. 

Nicky could tell Joe was feeling their separation just as keenly as he was. The entire plane ride was spent with their heads pressed together, both of their hands idly wandering. The plane was packed and they were sharing the row with another person, or they would have probably gone further. Nicky knew they were both hanging by a thread.

Every touch of Joe’s hand on the small of Nicky’s back as they gathered their luggage and rented a car sent chills throughout his entire body. Nicky’s head was filled with nothing but Joe. It was all he could think about. When the woman at the rental counter had been ready to hand them their keys it had taken multiple times of her politely trying to get their attention as they stared at each other to snap Nicky back to himself, grab the keys and steer Joe by the hips to the car.

The drive to their cottage was the first true alone time they had since the two year mission had begun, and Joe wasted no time palming himself and Nicky over their pants as Nicky drove. It was a relatively short drive but Nicky made it even shorter, speeding the whole way.

They didn’t pause to gather their belongings from the car, nor did Nicky wait for Joe before he ran up the steps to the front door -he knew Joe would catch up to him- and Nicky needed to get the door open as quickly as possible so he could finally ravish the love of his life.

The door clicked open and Nicky didn’t even get the chance to turn around and see if Joe had made it up the steps to him, before Joe was pushing him inside the cottage. 

They hadn’t been back to Malta in six- no, seven years, and the air inside the cottage was musty. Nicky knew they would need to air it out, but he couldn’t think about that because as soon as Joe got the door closed behind them they crashed into each other.

Nicky pinned Joe against the front door, and finally - _finally_ \- got his hands and mouth on Joe’s body the way he had been dreaming of for two years. 

Their reunion two days prior had been sweet and gentle, but they had been exhausted and surrounded by their family. To be truly alone with each other, with no restraint or social expectations on them- this was what Nicky’s body craved, what his mind needed.

“I missed you so much,” Joe gasped out between kisses.

“Yusuf,” was all Nicky could manage before turning his attention to getting Joe’s shirt over his head and his mouth on Joe’s collarbone. 

“Every time I had to shake your hand and then walk away like I wasn’t dying from the loss of your touch was pure, unadulterated agony,” Joe hissed when Nicky nipped at his neck, slowly kissing his way down Joe’s chest.

“Fuck,” Joe said as he fisted his hands into Nicky’s hair while Nicky undid Joe’s pants.

“That’s the idea,” Nicky said, and felt a sense of pride when Joe didn’t have a witty comeback for him. Though that could have been more from the way Nicky took Joe into his mouth with zero preamble.

Every moment of that first time back together was like electricity, or fire or- Nicky couldn’t put words to it, Joe was the poet. If the two years it took to get to this point hadn’t been so miserable Nicky almost wished they could do this more often. Almost.

They spent two days hardly leaving their bed, just basking in the closeness. The ability to start things wherever the inclination struck them and to take their time when it did was heavenly.

It was in this blissful haze that what would come to be known to Joe and Nicky as ‘The Bloody Mary Incident’ took place.

On their third morning there, they ventured out into Valletta and found a little cafe to have brunch at.

They were seated at a table in the back corner, still unwilling to be out of contact with one another. Joe was on his third Bloody Mary, Nicky only his second one when it became apparent to Nicky that Joe was well and fully drunk. They were exceptionally strong drinks and Nicky’s head felt like it was underwater as it was, so he could only imagine how Joe must have been feeling.

Nicky could never remember what they had been talking about at the time, but Joe had been gesticulating wildly with his half drunk fourth drink in hand when a few drops of the red liquid sloshed onto Joe’s white chino shorts.

Nicky had laughed and reached for a napkin to blot up the red mess before the damage became permanent.

Joe -for some unknown reason- had taken this as a sign to kiss Nicky like his life depended on it, drink still in his hand. In the process Joe had spilled the rest of the Blood Mary on Nicky’s shoulder, effectively leaving both the front and back of his left side absolutely covered in bright red tomato juice.

“Shit,” Joe said pitifully, and Nicky couldn’t help but laugh loudly. Joe may have been further gone than Nicky was at the time, but Nicky was absolutely drunk too and couldn’t help but kiss Joe back for a moment before deciding that his shirt needed attention.

They each downed a glass of water and tried to sober up a little before paying and making their way out to try and find a change of clothes for Nicky.

They found a place relatively quickly, a kitschy gift shop that had the same type of crap you’d find in any tourist destination.

“This is actually a really upsetting look for you,” Joe said from behind Nicky as they both looked through the racks of sweatshirts.

“How so?” Nicky asked absentmindedly. He had found a few things that could work, but was having trouble finding the right size. He was a tall guy and places like this didn’t usually carry a wide array of sizes.

“It looks like blood,” Joe said simply.

The mission they’d been on had had one major upside, neither Nicky nor Joe had died or even been seriously injured. Heck, none of the six of them had. Which was, sadly, a rarity in their long lives. To go this long without taking a bullet- it hadn’t happened in decades.

It never got easier for them to deal with that part of their lives. The violence, the blood, the death. And time, it seemed, did nothing to dull the pain and trauma that kind of life brought them.

“Something cheery then?” Nicky asked. He turned around to face Joe and saw exactly what he was looking for. A yellow sweatshirt that said ‘MALTA’ in pink letters across the chest that was already in Joe’s hands.

“I don’t think this will fit you, my heart,” Joe said. “I was just going to put it back.”

“No- I think this will do just fine.” Nicky pulled off his ruined shirt in the middle of the store and pulled the sweatshirt over his head.

Joe was right, it didn’t fit him well at all. His shoulders felt the most like they were going to burst out of the seams, but he looked at himself in the mirror, catching a glimpse of his red-soaked shirt in Joe’s hands and decided this was good enough.

They paid for the sweatshirt and Nicky made sure to throw his ruined shirt in the first trashcan they passed.

Joe’s melancholy didn’t last long. Whether it was the lingering alcohol or something else that brought Joe out of his reverie, Nicky wasn’t sure, but Joe’s mood seemed to lift drastically as they walked along the small streets, waiting for one of them to feel like they could drive again.

“I love you,” Joe said after a while of them walking hand in hand.

“I love you too.”

Nicky squeezed Joe’s hand before letting it go and wrapping his arm around Joe’s shoulders. The action caused the sweatshirt, which was barely covering Nicky’s middle as it was, to ride up, exposing his midriff. Joe wrapped an arm around Nicky’s waist and his hand found its way to Nicky’s hip. 

Joe rubbed his thumb along the exposed skin on his waistline for a time as they walked. Until, as they were passing an alleyway, Joe dragged Nicky into it and pushed him up against the wall.

“This sweatshirt is awful. It doesn’t fit you at all,” Joe huffed out between gritted teeth. He had one hand still on Nicky’s hip while the other struggled to open his shorts and pull his cock out. “And I’ve never witnessed anything so sexy in my entire life.”

Nicky wanted to get out a witty retort- something like _really Joe, your entire life?_ \- but the words died in his throat because Joe had set to work pulling Nicky’s dick out.

“I don’t- I don’t- Fuck, Joe-” Nicky stuttered as Joe wrapped his hand around both of them and slowly moved it up then down one time. “I don’t know if I should be offended or not.”

Joe took his hand away, licked his palm, and then spit on it for good measure before returning it to grip them both tightly again. He started moving slowly.

“Two years I spent looking at you in well-tailored suits unable to touch you in them. Two years I spent fucking my own hand while I imagined peeling those suits off of you. How many times did we get to truly be ourselves in that whole time. Two, maybe three times? Fuck- that kiss you gave me behind the warehouse six months ago carried me through lonely nights for weeks.” 

Nicky could do nothing but pant and try not to groan too loudly as Joe sped up. He clung to Joe’s shoulders and bucked forward into Joe’s hand and along the length of Joe’s cock. They both gasped and Joe’s rhythm began to get slightly erratic.

“Felt like a lifetime. Felt like a hundred years. God- Nicky. I thought that job would never end and that I would stay in that purgatory forever, constantly close enough that I could reach out and touch you but never able to take what I wanted.”

Joe’s voice was deep and strained as he struggled to keep a steady pace. He bit out halting sentence after sentence, his forehead pressed into the wall above Nicky’s shoulder.

Nicky tried to focus on biting and sucking Joe’s neck, though he eventually gave up and decided that not passing out from involuntarily holding his breath for too long was a better use of what little brain power he had that wasn’t completely focused on Joe.

Nicky could tell that Joe was close. His movements were uneven and his breathing had started to come out in pained whines. Nicky was close too, he could feel his release building in the pit of his stomach.

“And now this? This is what gets to me. This fucking sweatshirt is what makes it so I can’t control myself around you?” Joe sounded genuinely annoyed. 

Nicky couldn’t help but laugh between his gasping breaths and that sent Joe over the edge. Nicky followed two or three strokes later.

They panted into each other’s shoulders for a moment before Nicky had enough control over his arms to grab Joe’s face and turn it into his own for a kiss.

“ _I missed you so much_ ,” Joe said in Arabic when they finally pulled apart.

“ _I know my love_ ,” Nicky said, slipping into Arabic as well, “ _but I’m here now, and our time apart is in the past._ ”

Joe nodded to himself before speaking again.

“Are you ok to drive?” Joe asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” Nicky said.

Joe wiped the come still on his hand onto his shorts and he tucked his cock back into them. They still held the small red stain of the Bloody Mary on them. 

“Okay good, because I intend to get you home where I can fuck you properly while you wear this terrible hoodie.”

Nicky laughed again as he cleaned himself up to the best of his ability given the mess they’d just made.

In the end the yellow Malta sweatshirt fit Joe better than it fit Nicky. That didn’t stop it from circulating between the two of them for the rest of their two week trip though, and it certainly saw its fair share of action.

The sweatshirt became a favorite of Joe’s and he wore it to bed often, though he still insisted it was Nicky’s. It was slightly small on him, and the hood didn’t quite fit over his curls, but he still insisted on keeping it. There were a lot of good memories associated with that sweatshirt.

  
  


**-6 Months Later-**

  
  


Over 900 years together and Nicky knew Joe’s body language better than he knew modern Italian. He could probably pick any number of reasons to think Joe needed to be cut off, but the very specific movement of Joe’s eyes blinking repeatedly and him shaking his head every few minutes like he was trying to stay awake was what Nicky was particularly focused on. The slight sway after each head shake was just a bonus reason.

"Joe, I think you've had enough,” Nicky said with a smirk. He reached across the table to move Joe’s empty glass away before he could pour himself another margarita. 

"No _-hic-_ I'm fine." Joe held up a finger and shook his head again with a smile, "that was a poorly timed hiccup. I'm fine, Nicky."

"Do I need to bring up-" Nicky started.

"Don't say it," Joe said at the same time that Nicky said, "-the Bloody Mary Incident?"

The corner of Nicky’s mouth turned up ever so slightly and Joe rolled his eyes.

"Ok, I _was_ drunk then.” Joe swayed slightly in his chair, before continuing, “but the only reason I spilled it was because you were practically giving me a hand job in the middle of that cafe!"

"Wallahi Joe! I was trying to clean off your shorts,” Nicky tilted his head back in exasperation, “you had already spilled a little of your drink before you dumped the rest on me."

Joe grumbled before crossing his arms and quietly saying, "that's not the way I remember it."

Nicky leaned across the table and kissed Joe.

“The fact that you thought I would do that in the middle of a crowded cafe was enough reason back then- and the fact that you still think it now is enough reason for me to be completely sure of my assessment that you are very drunk.”

Joe chuckled as Nicky kissed him again.

“Drunken sex?” Joe asked too loudly.

Nicky laughed and looked around to try and get the waiter's attention to bring them their check.

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ashley told me the small headcanon she had for [this piece she did of sleepy Joe,](https://ashleyrguillory.tumblr.com/post/630346116849975296/ashleyrguillory-it-is-my-belief-that-while) and my brain went “haha sweatshirt backstory go brrr”
> 
> SHE THEN went and [drew the last scene](https://ashleyrguillory.tumblr.com/post/630435928796692480/scimitar-and-longsword-and-i-got-to-talking-and) which is just- fucking amazing lol
> 
> Also this started out as crack but then my brain just ran away with it soooo- crack with feelings and a plot??? Lol idk


End file.
